weigh-in and goals

I love the digital scale because I can see that I've lost 0.2 pounds last week. If I still had my analog scale, I'd feel stuck!!

No, not really. Last week, with the kid's first week of summer vacation and my husband recovering from his seizures, I'm glad that I haven't binged. I haven't worked out in over 2 weeks, and I've been pretty much just eating "whatever", just to be fed.
My Mister went back to work yesterday, feeling very well. I'm adapting to the kids being home all day and to driving Mister to and from work.

This week, my goals are to:
Focus on eating vegan, low carb and low fat (veggies!!!)
Get to the gym 3 times
Drink my water

weigh-in and more

Friday my otherwise healthy husband had seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy. The good news is that he had his seizures at work in front of all his co-workers (who are doctors and nurses) and not while driving, and that after several tests, he was declared perfectly healthy (no brain tumors or metabolic disturbances). The neurologist said that this is not uncommon, and other than taking an anti-seizure medication at bedtime, he should be able to live a normal life. He can't drive for 6 months and he can't drink alcohol because of the medication (he love wines), challenges to be sure, but doable. We feel really lucky to have things turn out like they have this week. Guardian angels, I'm thinking. We both feel recommitted to our healthy lifestyle.
I have not been overeating, but I have not been working out, hence no weight change to report. I'm more than fine with that. On to a fun summer!!

Yipee!

I'm in the clear!! They said it was a lymph node. I asked to speak with the radiologist after the tech delivered the good news (she didn't inspire much trust, as she seemed totally on auto pilot the whole time). He also didn't have any personality, but did show me the films of previous mammos and gave a thorough explanation of his rationale. I'm only just now starting to feel relief. While I like to think of myself as a compassionate and personable nurse, I hope this experience will make me even more so. Eye contact, smiles, thorough explanations-- these things matter so much to the patient. I'm also grateful for this experience because it gave me the opportunity to renew my comittment to my health. I'd been really slacking on my nutrition and exercise goals.
Thanks for the words of support and prayer!! You guys are wonderful!

scared

I had a mammogram last week. On Monday of this week, I was called to schedule a diagnostic mammo, ultrasound and possible biopsy. No further information. I'm scared shitless. My husband is coming with me and I'm going in this afternoon. I have had many many thoughts and emotions these past 2 days. As a nurse, I work with cancer patients all the time. I've always dreaded getting a call like this and having to wait for more tests, more information.
And I have made a vow:
No matter the outcome of today's test, I am making a life change. Everyday, 100% of the time, I'm following the most healthy diet available and will do everything I can to eliminate all potential disease promoting factors in my life. If the tests show a benign condition, I'm going to do everything in my power to never be in this position again. If the tests show a malignancy, I will give myself every advantage available to get rid of it, heal completely and live a long productive life.
Please send a thought and/or prayer for me today.
Update to follow

friday weigh-in

I changed my weigh-in day to Friday, my favorite day of the week. I've maintained my weight since the last weigh-in, even though I did quite a bit of emotional eating.
Overall, I really feel like I've been making progress. I've been focusing on taking care of myself in every way. I went to the dentist, dermatologist, got a mammogram, a pedicure and a haircut. LOVE my haircut. Yesterday, I went dress shopping and was happy to fit a size 14. I bought 2 dresses, 2 pair shoes and earrings. I haven't done that in YEARS!!
My husband quit his medifast weeks ago and I've been sampling his vegetarian leftovers from it. It is good! There seems to be alot of soy protein in the packets, so they upset my tummy. But in general, I'm staying away from the wine, sugar, white flour and have been vegan. Mr Jones has been doing well, following my lead in the food department, more or less, and he's started spinning. He loves it. I'm so glad for him!
Next week, the kids will be out of school, and I will need really be aware of my emotions and not overeat. My self care will be pretty much on hold until fall, unless I can learn to meet their needs and my own simultaneously. Other moms do it. It think I'll make it a goal!

anew

I have been eating for distraction and comfort frequently over the last few days.
I feel awful.
The little disappointments, the fatigue and frustration, the stress and boredom....all these daily things are triggers to eat. And what do I get from the food? A momentary distraction, a feeling of comfort that is fleeting. Then comes the discomfort and disappointment of having eaten the food. This all takes me away from what I was originally feeling in the first place. I get fatter, less healthy, and stuck.
I'm hoping and praying for clarity on this issue. For insight that will drive me past this cycle. I feel ready to move ahead in a way that I never have before.
What would be so wrong with allowing the little disappointments, the fatigue and frustration, the stress and boredom....all these daily things happen without stuffing them down with food? I know what would happen. They would just pass away. I'd feel something new. I'd move ahead. I know this because I've done it. I need to do it more. It will get easier.
I'm open to change. I'm willing to come through for me.
Clarity. Freedom from compulsion. My new mantra.

steps and stones

I passed some milestones!! As of this week:
* I'm out of the 190's,
*I have less than 40 pounds to go
*I'm no longer obese, according to the BMI.
To celebrate, I decided to honor my skin. I bought some nice sunblock for all of us, made an appointment with the dermatologist for a head-to-toe checkup and I had a little online shopping spree at Lush.

I read a comment on another blog the other day, " Two steps forward, one step back.....you are still one step ahead!"
I just LOVE that.
LOVE IT!!!
That's my vegan quest, my weight loss journey and my personal challenge in a flippin' nutshell. I'll have 4-5 five days out of the week that are exactly on plan, then 2 -3 days of a piece of cake , a martini, a fast food meal. This formula is resulting in a slow and steady weight loss, but I'm really striving for better.
Here's to more better days!