new direction- 2011 countdown

I've been struggling these past two weeks. Eating whatever, eating for comfort and pleasure because I'm not feeling it in other things. The sh8t has continued to hit the fan for us, and I have not been at my best. Worries over work, finances, Mister's health, kids are sensing the tension and being very difficult, the days feel like drudgery and I have no time to take care of myself.

BUT there are some good things going on:
I have avoided alcohol and have gotten good sleep. The kids love their swimming lessons. Our car works. The bathroom sink works. I've essentially maintained my weight. No nurses strike!!I And not least of all, I have found the best eyeliner!
There are many, many more blessings I take for granted everyday.
I've decided to refocus my vision of this journey.

Three main changes.
1- I'm going to journal my food (the good the bad and the ugly) and exercise everyday
2 - I'm going to count five things I am grateful for everyday
3- On December 31, 2010, I am calling a stop to my weight loss effort (obsession, fixation, preoccupation, whatever you want to call it. ) Starting at age 13, I have spent so much time, money and worry on my weight. All of this has had zero impact on my actual weight and has kept me from growing as a person. After I reach a healthy weight, I'm going to allow myself move on. So, I'm taking 27 weeks to lose weight. On December 31 of this year, If I weigh 188 or 135 or somewhere in between, that is what I will maintain. 2011 will be my first year of freedom since I was 13.

Oatmeal with raisins and skim milk
Rice bowl with black beans, tomato, onion, 1/2 avo, balsamic vinegar
medifast bar
2 apricots
2 liters water
medifast cheese puffs
steamed broccoli
1/2 bagel with cream cheese, tomato and basil
2 glasses chardonnay

I am grateful for: My health, my home and my little family. Our little kitten is sleek and shiny and gives kisses. My minivan is da bomb.

Exercise: just getting through it all today.