New home, new town, new school!! We sold our house and have finally relocated to our new state and we are all together again! Our new home is lovely and large with space and bathrooms enough for everyone. The boys love their new school, which we walk to and from everyday. It has been a long haul this last year and now things are falling into place at last.

This brings me to the subject of this post. I have decided once and for all to completely follow Dr Furhman (and so many other smart people's) advice and proceed with the 100% vegan lifestyle as described in Eat to Live. I'm planning the six week intro phase to start on Monday, May 16 and to contue for 6 weeks, at which time I will evaluate whether to continue or modify the plan. I have tried this plan before and have not stuck with it, but I need a challenge and I need a success. I'll be following the plan to the letter and will be upating here daily

I'm doing it!

Yeah! I've been one week back on track. Vegan, no sugar, no alcohol and I feel great. The scale is moving down and I'm sleeping so well.

Looks like I stopped regularly posting here at the end of last summer. Woo. What a doozie last summer (last year really) was! My husband had seizures and needed to be driven to work and back, the kids of course were off school and had to drive with us. What a drag. Then my husband was hospitalized for a week and was found to have a heart condition that recquired a pacemaker.Long story short, he is stable now, feeling fine and working a great new job.

Then, he/we decided to take job out of state. He has since moved there and me and the kids are here trying to sell the house. Our house has been on the market for 6 months. As soon as we get an offer, we'll be able to move into a new place and all live together again. We have been having regular showings, but no offers yet. If I haven't been blogging, it is because I have been getting rid of our belongings, painting, cleaning and keeping the house "staged" at all times. A showing could call at any time and the house has to be ready. We have 2 little kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats. In one little house. To say this has been a challenge would be a gross understatement.

I think I'm doing ok. It has been quite easy for me to avoid alcohol and sweets this whole time, but the mindless overeating of crap really took over. About 10 days ago, I decided to do what I need for myself. So much is riding on me, that if I don't take care of me, nothing we are trying to do as a family will work.

Today feels like an important day because a couple is coming for a second showing! This is the first second showing we've had. I need to clean the snowy yard of any dog crap and get the house perfect. Maybe even bake cookies! Wish us luck. This could be it!

I also realize

Recently, I realized a few life-changing things. I am the only person who can be the person I want to be. That would be me.

What am I waiting for?

I am stepping out of my own damn way!

I want to be vegan.

I want to practice yoga.

I want to be thin.

I want to experience vibrant health.

I want to cultivate happiness.

So, I turned a corner, flipped a switch, said "F*ck it" and decided to just get on with the life I want to live. Excuses are just too much work.

I'm not wasting one more day resisting the changes I so dearly want to make.

I realize

As much as I love, admire and believe in veganism, I've come to realize that I have major food issues, such as food addiction. (see previous post) and that my attepmt at veganism this past year has been a manifestation of that addiction.

I do hope to return to a vegan lifestyle someday as I do so admire those are able to do so.
But I need to do it when I am ready.
When it is not just a way for me to limit my food choices.
When I can do it for the real and wonderful reasons I should.

I do buy our meat from a local provider and it is 100% pastured, organic and processed on site. This mitigates, but doesn't eliminate the guilt I feel about eating animals.

I need to lose at least 40 pounds, given my family history of heart disease and cancer. Getting that weight off by learning to stop using food as a drug, comfort, escape, etc. is my goal.

I also want to focus on living without alcohol. I may or may not be an official alcoholic (no DUI's, no public drunkenness, no concerns voiced from friends or family, no physical symptoms of addiction, not a daily user) but I am aware that my enjoyment of wine negatively affects my mood and ruins my weightloss efforts, yet I still have 3-4 glasses of wine 2-3 days a week. I have AA attendees in my family and have even tried it myself and I know for a fact that AA is not for me. That said, I am open to change and new ways of coping. I would like to be someone that drinks only a few times a year, if at all. Drinking has taken up too much space in my life. It is time to let it go.

So being abstinent from alcohol is pretty clear cut. Just. Don't. Drink. It.

But abstinence from food? No, I can't just not eat. I need to stop eating for the wrong reasons. (comfort, escape, punishment stimulation....). My reasons for eating need to be simply for nourishment, and the healthy pleasure that comes with being nourished. I need to be abstinent from using food for the wrong reasons.

With this in mind, I decided to follow a structured food plan and treat my obesity as a manifestation of my addictive personality.
I've decided to:
embrace and deepen my spirituality
to fully surrender to my role in life as wife and mother
to simply follow my program

I realize I have started a new journey, down a different path, in the right direction. I'm not sure where it will lead, but I am doing it!

food for thought

Eating and eating!!
Food is my first line of defense against anxiety, boredom, discomfort. Food, cooking and eating are my greatest sources of solice and comfort.
How I love it.
And how I abuse it.
Food is not meant to be a way to disengae, to escape. Yes, it is meant to be enjoyed, but it is not meant to replace a great variety of coping mechanisms.
What else do I love. What else brings me pleasure and refuge? What else besides food?

music
walking outside
yoga
dancing
I want to learn to PRAY!
reading
playing with my kids

When will I ever change?

changing, standing still.

October first, now.
Time to wait, time to begin.
Warm wind, dry leaves fly.

Checking in

It feels so good to be back in my routine. Eating vegan and walking outside everyday. Kids at school, husband at work, me minding the homefront and preparing for our move. I'll be working at the hospital every weekend for the next several weeks as well. The summer has been chaotic, to say the least, but we seem to have landed on our feet.

Looking at my weekly weigh-ins, its plain to see as my stress level goes up, my weight goes up. Life will always have its ups and downs. Stressful times will always come and go. I want to learn to not eat crap in respense to stress! Some people lose their appetite, can't eat and get thin when things get crazy. I guess I'm just one of those blessed with the evolutionary advantage of the urge to pack in the calories when under seige. It makes sense. Sigh.

All that said, I've been staying away from alcohol this whole time.

And i've been trying to think of ways to keep the upcoming holidays from being a huge weight gain for me. Unfortunately over the last few years, the holidays have been a time chaos and tension, mostly due to in-law issues. Perhaps this year, since we will be in the process of relocating out of state, we can use that as an excuse to do what we need for our family, instead of trying to please in-laws. I'll be actively working on a plan to make the holidays as peaceful as possible. More to come on that one.

As for the immediate plan, I'm making daily, weekly and monthly to do lists regarding our move. Doing this is soothing to me and really keeps me on track. Today I start decluttering!

anew

I wanted change in my life and I got. Big time.

My husband got a job out of state and we will be relocating there. I've lived here for 25 years. A new life.

And, last week my husband was hospitalized for 5 days and received a pacemaker. He is 35 years old! This is actually good news because the cause of his seizures has been found (cardiac syncope) and treated (by having a pacemaker). Such a relief.

Now. I'm excited about everything. We'll be getting the kids ready for school and getting the house ready to go on the market.

This is the time to get these 50 pounds off of my body. Life is moving forward and I'm going with it.

stopping this blog

I feel so stuck.
I've stayed away from alcohol, but have been eating crap. My weight has been maintaining, pretty much. I feel like such a quitter, but I just can't get it together. I wish I knew how to juggle all the things going on in my life and still, at least feel like, I'm taking care of myself.
I'm not even going to pretend I have time to keep up with this blog and with all you nice gals in the blog world.
I'm taking a break from the computer, probably for the rest of the summer.
My best to you all.
Meg

bye

I've been having one tough week. Things seem so chaotic, frustrating and stressful. I've been living on cereal, fruit pops and cafeteria pasta. No workouts, no walks, no yoga. Throw in some pie and chocolate. I've even had 2 martinis and 2 glasses of chard. All to that adds up to a big huge headache and the scale being kicked under the chair.
I'm not weighing in this week. I'm calling it a bye.

Why No Animal Products?

Here's why Im a Vegan.

I love this video. So positive and informative!

Freedom Challenge Week 2

Last week I had ice cream 3 times. Other than that I was free of animal products and alcohol. I feel good and am so grateful for my freedom.

Friday weigh in

I get this feeling every few months. I want to change, run away to a new country, convert to a religion, learn a new language, become new from the inside out. I need a personal revolution. But of course, there are many connections and responsibilities that I'm not willing to leave behind, and of course the time and financial restrictions that come with them.

This is part of my weight loss motivation. Firstly, I want and need to be as healthy as possible, within a healthy weight range and decrease my chances of developing heart disease as I age. Secondly, this is about wanting to return to my original self. Somehow, when I look at recent photos of myself, I don't recognize that person as me. The big puffy lady with short hair.

As I've paged through old photo albums this summer, I've recognized myself in childhood riding my horse with my hair wild, as a lanky teen with large dark eyes, creamy skin, in my 20's dancing and laughing, in my 30's getting married and having 2 big baby boys. Shortly after the birth of my second child, the are only a handful of pictures of me. In the last 6 years I have let my fire go out. I am unrecognizable to myself.

I accept (and feel grateful for, considering the alternative) that I am aging. I hope that I'm maturing emotionally. I feel very grateful for how life has unfolded for me so far.

Returning to a healthy weight is just going to be a happy by-product of being true to my nature. I love animals, so it makes sense to not eat them. I've got that down pretty well. I think I'm really sensitive to drugs. One cup of coffee makes me nervous and 1 glass of wine wrecks my sleep. Now that I have that figured out, skipping the wine has become much easier. I still need to switch to green tea. Eliminate sugar. Cut back on grain. Eliminate flour. Cut the fat WAY down. Eat more greens. Basically, find my copy of Eat To Live by Dr Fuhrman and just make the changes. I've tried and failed that diet before, but those times the switch was very drastic. I was still drinking wine, eating animal products and baked goods. Maybe I'll do better this time around.

The Mister tried and abandoned Medifast a few months ago. and gave me boxes of his unwanted packets. I like the taste of them and most of them are vegetarian, so I've been eating them up little by little. It has recently come the my attention that soy isolates( the protein in the packets) are not a good choice if one is looking to avoid a hormonally mediated malignancy. That's one of the categories I fall into so, I'm going to cut out the medifast as well.


The next piece of the puzzle is the biggest piece. I want to learn to eat only when I'm hungry. Ever since I was a teen, I can remember purposely and with full awareness, drowning out my emotions with food. I want to learn to just feel my feelings. Not act on them, not understand them, just have them while the are here. I have come a long way on this one, and I think that is a main reason my weight has come down recently.


medifast shake
plum
1 Boca burger patty
green beans
2 cups vegan minestrone
2 slices sourdough bread with Smart Balance, Vegenaisse, basil, lettuce, tomatoes
1 banana
1/2 cup pasta
1/8 cup homemade vegan pesto
1 cup little fried orka
1/2 cup steamed beets
1/2 cup cucumbers in vinaigrette
1 popcorn topped with herb mix and nootch
2 squares dark chocolate

2 liters water

Bike around the lake

I need a personal revolution. Suggestions?

week 1 of Freedom Challenge

I'm happy too report that I have successfully completed week 1 of the Freedom Challenge. I really haven't missed my evening glass(es) of wine and of course, I feel wonderful about not having any animal products!
Go Freedom Challengers!!!

1 cup oatmeal
1 banana
2t honey
2 cups coffee
1/2 cup soymilk

2 stuffed grape leaves
1/2 pita with 2T hummus

1 cup life cereal with craisins and soymilk
pbj
1 cup soy milk

1 cup steamed beets
1/2 cup millet
small pat Smart Balance
juice and pulp of 2 oranges

water - 2 liters

Exercise - took kids to the zoo, gardens and amusement park

love this town

I love this town! We went to the Hmong Farmers Market this morning and got an insane amount to veg for $10. Everybody says its organic--"no spray"--but nobody is certified as such because of the cost. Then we went to our local Middle Eastern (my favorite) grocery and loaded up on breads and spreads. A lovely bottle of rose water as well. After dinner I stole out for a quick ride around our neighborhood lake.

1 cup Life cereal with craisins and soymilk
2 cups coffee

1 pita chip
1 chapati
2 stuffed grape leaves
2T hummus
2T baba ganoush
1/2 cup potato-green bean curry
1 bite haloumi cheese stuffed pita
1 cup sweet mint tea
1 banana

1 chapati
3 baked falafels
2T hummus
3/4 stuffed grape leaf
1/2 cup sliced cucumbers in a vinegar, oil sugar dressing
1 cup sweet mint tea
1 medjool date
2 liters water

exercise 4.2 mile bike ride

need more veg

I seem to be resisting veggies. I can't afford organic and am "afraid" to eat conventional. I'm hoping to hit the Hmong farmer's market tomorrow because they have reasonable prices and beautiful stuff. Gotta run and put the kids to bed. I'll be soon to follow them.

2 cups coffee
1 cup Life cereal with soymilk and raisins
vegan current scone
green grapes (medium bunch)
1 4 inch wedge Afghani zatar bread
3 cups romaine with balsamic vinaigrette and 3T craisins
1 Tofutti Cutie
10 more grapes
1 cup sweet mint tea
1/4 cup homemade hummus
potatoes and green beans in yellow curry sauce
1 4-inch wedge Afghani zatar bread
2 slabs grilled eggplant
2 glasses water
1 medjool date

exercise: bike ride around the lake

whining

++Looking at my weekly weigh-in results, one can see that my weight loss stalled out beginning the first week of June. What happened? My daily life changed. The kids got out of school and are now home all day. My husband had seizures, was hospitalized. I had my own health scare. We were worried there would be a strike that would cut off our incomes. I began driving my husband (and kids) to and from work and appointments, as he is prohibited from driving due to the new epilepsy diagnosis. I had to stop Spanish classes and yoga seems a distant memory. I've been trying hard to stay positive, but I'm having a weak moment. Boo-freakin-hoo, right?

2 cups coffee
1 big chunk of watermelon
Vegan Epicurean's curried tomato sauce with steamed collards
1/2 cup rice bowl (rice, beans, tomatoes, celery, corn)
3 glasses iced jasmine tea (unsweetened)
medifafst bar
medifast cheez balls
2 pc licorice
1 chocolate chip cookie
2 cups cubed steamed potatoes with 2T tahini-lemon-fresh garlic dressing
2 cups romaine lettuce from our garden with a little more of the dressing
4 snack-size Tofutti Cuties
2 liters water

BUT.....All is indeed well and I really am about the luckiest person I know, in spite of these little challenges.

delish day

1 cup brown rice porridge with1 banana, 2T raisins,2t raw sugar, 1/2 cup soy milk
2 cups coffee
1 liter water
medifast bar
Boca burger on 2 pc wheat toast with 1/2 avocado, lettuce, chili sauce and bbq sace
watermelon
1 liter water
Vegan Epicurean's curried tomato sauce with steamed collards
1/2 cup rice bowl (rice, beans, tomatoes, celery, corn)
10 little rice wafersh
3 medjool dates
1 pbj

I'm thankful for the kind and creative Vegan Epicurean. Her recipes are SO delicious and her blog is a great resource for those of us looking to create delish, low-fat, vegan food.

I didn't get to exercise yet.....

Nepali food is good

Another busy day, but a happy one. I had Nepali food today, which is one of my fave cuisines. It is like Indian, but lighter and more simple. I think they do use ghee, otherwise there are many veggie dishes.

nectarine
orange
1 cup coffee
Nepali Buffet:
1 cup bean soup
1 cup basmati rice
1/2 cup potato-tomato stew
2 fried onion balls (about 1 inch across each)
3 pieces Nepali " fry-bread" ( 3 inches across each)
1 cup green bean-potato saute
large glass unsweetened ice tea
1 liter water
watermelon
6 cups oil popped popcorn topped with Smart Balance
1 cup soymilk
45 minute walk outside

I'm so grateful that the Mister is getting good sleep, for my wonderful parents, and for my hilarious kids.