Thursday, May 12, 2011

New home, new town, new school!! We sold our house and have finally relocated to our new state and we are all together again! Our new home is lovely and large with space and bathrooms enough for everyone. The boys love their new school, which we walk to and from everyday. It has been a long haul this last year and now things are falling into place at last.

This brings me to the subject of this post. I have decided once and for all to completely follow Dr Furhman (and so many other smart people's) advice and proceed with the 100% vegan lifestyle as described in Eat to Live. I'm planning the six week intro phase to start on Monday, May 16 and to contue for 6 weeks, at which time I will evaluate whether to continue or modify the plan. I have tried this plan before and have not stuck with it, but I need a challenge and I need a success. I'll be following the plan to the letter and will be upating here daily

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I'm doing it!

Yeah! I've been one week back on track. Vegan, no sugar, no alcohol and I feel great. The scale is moving down and I'm sleeping so well.

Looks like I stopped regularly posting here at the end of last summer. Woo. What a doozie last summer (last year really) was! My husband had seizures and needed to be driven to work and back, the kids of course were off school and had to drive with us. What a drag. Then my husband was hospitalized for a week and was found to have a heart condition that recquired a pacemaker.Long story short, he is stable now, feeling fine and working a great new job.

Then, he/we decided to take job out of state. He has since moved there and me and the kids are here trying to sell the house. Our house has been on the market for 6 months. As soon as we get an offer, we'll be able to move into a new place and all live together again. We have been having regular showings, but no offers yet. If I haven't been blogging, it is because I have been getting rid of our belongings, painting, cleaning and keeping the house "staged" at all times. A showing could call at any time and the house has to be ready. We have 2 little kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats. In one little house. To say this has been a challenge would be a gross understatement.

I think I'm doing ok. It has been quite easy for me to avoid alcohol and sweets this whole time, but the mindless overeating of crap really took over. About 10 days ago, I decided to do what I need for myself. So much is riding on me, that if I don't take care of me, nothing we are trying to do as a family will work.

Today feels like an important day because a couple is coming for a second showing! This is the first second showing we've had. I need to clean the snowy yard of any dog crap and get the house perfect. Maybe even bake cookies! Wish us luck. This could be it!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

I also realize

Recently, I realized a few life-changing things. I am the only person who can be the person I want to be. That would be me.

What am I waiting for?

I am stepping out of my own damn way!

I want to be vegan.

I want to practice yoga.

I want to be thin.

I want to experience vibrant health.

I want to cultivate happiness.

So, I turned a corner, flipped a switch, said "F*ck it" and decided to just get on with the life I want to live. Excuses are just too much work.

I'm not wasting one more day resisting the changes I so dearly want to make.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I realize

As much as I love, admire and believe in veganism, I've come to realize that I have major food issues, such as food addiction. (see previous post) and that my attepmt at veganism this past year has been a manifestation of that addiction.

I do hope to return to a vegan lifestyle someday as I do so admire those are able to do so.
But I need to do it when I am ready.
When it is not just a way for me to limit my food choices.
When I can do it for the real and wonderful reasons I should.

I do buy our meat from a local provider and it is 100% pastured, organic and processed on site. This mitigates, but doesn't eliminate the guilt I feel about eating animals.

I need to lose at least 40 pounds, given my family history of heart disease and cancer. Getting that weight off by learning to stop using food as a drug, comfort, escape, etc. is my goal.

I also want to focus on living without alcohol. I may or may not be an official alcoholic (no DUI's, no public drunkenness, no concerns voiced from friends or family, no physical symptoms of addiction, not a daily user) but I am aware that my enjoyment of wine negatively affects my mood and ruins my weightloss efforts, yet I still have 3-4 glasses of wine 2-3 days a week. I have AA attendees in my family and have even tried it myself and I know for a fact that AA is not for me. That said, I am open to change and new ways of coping. I would like to be someone that drinks only a few times a year, if at all. Drinking has taken up too much space in my life. It is time to let it go.

So being abstinent from alcohol is pretty clear cut. Just. Don't. Drink. It.

But abstinence from food? No, I can't just not eat. I need to stop eating for the wrong reasons. (comfort, escape, punishment stimulation....). My reasons for eating need to be simply for nourishment, and the healthy pleasure that comes with being nourished. I need to be abstinent from using food for the wrong reasons.

With this in mind, I decided to follow a structured food plan and treat my obesity as a manifestation of my addictive personality.
I've decided to:
embrace and deepen my spirituality
to fully surrender to my role in life as wife and mother
to simply follow my program

I realize I have started a new journey, down a different path, in the right direction. I'm not sure where it will lead, but I am doing it!

Monday, November 1, 2010

food for thought

Eating and eating!!
Food is my first line of defense against anxiety, boredom, discomfort. Food, cooking and eating are my greatest sources of solice and comfort.
How I love it.
And how I abuse it.
Food is not meant to be a way to disengae, to escape. Yes, it is meant to be enjoyed, but it is not meant to replace a great variety of coping mechanisms.
What else do I love. What else brings me pleasure and refuge? What else besides food?

walking outside
I want to learn to PRAY!
playing with my kids

When will I ever change?

Friday, October 1, 2010

changing, standing still.

October first, now.
Time to wait, time to begin.
Warm wind, dry leaves fly.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Checking in

It feels so good to be back in my routine. Eating vegan and walking outside everyday. Kids at school, husband at work, me minding the homefront and preparing for our move. I'll be working at the hospital every weekend for the next several weeks as well. The summer has been chaotic, to say the least, but we seem to have landed on our feet.

Looking at my weekly weigh-ins, its plain to see as my stress level goes up, my weight goes up. Life will always have its ups and downs. Stressful times will always come and go. I want to learn to not eat crap in respense to stress! Some people lose their appetite, can't eat and get thin when things get crazy. I guess I'm just one of those blessed with the evolutionary advantage of the urge to pack in the calories when under seige. It makes sense. Sigh.

All that said, I've been staying away from alcohol this whole time.

And i've been trying to think of ways to keep the upcoming holidays from being a huge weight gain for me. Unfortunately over the last few years, the holidays have been a time chaos and tension, mostly due to in-law issues. Perhaps this year, since we will be in the process of relocating out of state, we can use that as an excuse to do what we need for our family, instead of trying to please in-laws. I'll be actively working on a plan to make the holidays as peaceful as possible. More to come on that one.

As for the immediate plan, I'm making daily, weekly and monthly to do lists regarding our move. Doing this is soothing to me and really keeps me on track. Today I start decluttering!