Sunday, May 30, 2010


I have been eating for distraction and comfort frequently over the last few days.
I feel awful.
The little disappointments, the fatigue and frustration, the stress and boredom....all these daily things are triggers to eat. And what do I get from the food? A momentary distraction, a feeling of comfort that is fleeting. Then comes the discomfort and disappointment of having eaten the food. This all takes me away from what I was originally feeling in the first place. I get fatter, less healthy, and stuck.
I'm hoping and praying for clarity on this issue. For insight that will drive me past this cycle. I feel ready to move ahead in a way that I never have before.
What would be so wrong with allowing the little disappointments, the fatigue and frustration, the stress and boredom....all these daily things happen without stuffing them down with food? I know what would happen. They would just pass away. I'd feel something new. I'd move ahead. I know this because I've done it. I need to do it more. It will get easier.
I'm open to change. I'm willing to come through for me.
Clarity. Freedom from compulsion. My new mantra.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

steps and stones

I passed some milestones!! As of this week:
* I'm out of the 190's,
*I have less than 40 pounds to go
*I'm no longer obese, according to the BMI.
To celebrate, I decided to honor my skin. I bought some nice sunblock for all of us, made an appointment with the dermatologist for a head-to-toe checkup and I had a little online shopping spree at Lush.

I read a comment on another blog the other day, " Two steps forward, one step are still one step ahead!"
I just LOVE that.
That's my vegan quest, my weight loss journey and my personal challenge in a flippin' nutshell. I'll have 4-5 five days out of the week that are exactly on plan, then 2 -3 days of a piece of cake , a martini, a fast food meal. This formula is resulting in a slow and steady weight loss, but I'm really striving for better.
Here's to more better days!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

2 and 3

Yesterday and today of my personal challenge. I managed a walk yesterday, today will be the gym. I've been pretty hungry. I had a martini last night but other than that, I've been 100% on plan.
Had my brains addled at Spanish class today, but I told my teacher that I accept there are 52 tenses in Spanish and I open my heart to each one. One day, I want to read Borges and the writings of Guevara.
I'd always assumed I'd need a tummy tuck after giving birth to 10 and 11 pound kids, but after several weeks of eating in a healthy way, my belly is about flat. It's a miracle. What I thought were blown out muscles in need of surgical repair, turns out to have been fluid and bloat from a bad diet. I've been wearing my size 12 jeans ( 3 different pair) for the last week and they are comfortable in the waist! I have a good amount of abdominal fat to lose, but I feel so relieved and encouraged by this revelation!!
I miss yoga very much--as I REALLY hate the gym. but as my best friend's college counsellor used to say, "Nothing is fun all the time."

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

100 things about me

1. I used to be a professional belly dancer.
2. I'm a late bloomer.
3. I look young for my age.
4. My favorite color changes every few years.
5. Right now it is blue
6. My husband is 9 years younger than me.
7. We have been married for 10 years.
8 My kids were 10 and 11 pounds at birth.
9. I may not need a tummy tuck.
10. Religion fascinates me.
11. I have considered converting to Islam.
12. I have practiced Zen Buddhism.
13. We are raising our children in the Roman Catholic faith.
14. I love Jesus.
15. I want dogs, cats and horses in my life, all the time.
16. I like to ride horses without a saddle.
17. I'm learning Spanish from a retired Spanish professor.
18. Benicio Del Toro makes my heart throb.
19. I love husband's black eyes.
20. I am of European and Middle Eastern ancestry.
21. I am a sensitive person, prone to anxiety.
22. I am broad shouldered and muscular for a woman.
23. I want long hair.
24. I'd love to have a nose job, but probably won't.
25. I love babies.
26. One of my greatest pleasures is an afternoon nap.
27. I love to swim in the ocean or lake.
28. I like to drink wine to relax.
29. I have learned not to drink too much.
30. My mom stresses me out.
31. I love to hug and squeeze my kids.
32. I need to be alone for awhile everyday.
33. I love to cook for family and friends.
34. to be continued

weigh-in #8 and day 1

I'm down 1.6 pounds and glad for that. Last week, I stuck to my plan except for Friday (veggie pizza and wine late at night ) and Saturday (cake, punch, DQ, and BK). I didn't work out other than heavy house cleaning.
Today I'm starting a 33-day personal challenge.
Everyday from now until June 12, I will:
Stick to my eating plan 100%.
( vegan, no sugar, grain or alcohol)
Drink my H2O
Do some form of exercise everyday

By the end of my challenge, the kids will be out of school, we will be attending another family party where I'll be asked to perform (belly dance), I'll be seeing my MD for a 6 month check-up and swim suit season will be just around the corner. I want to be lighter and feeling great when this time comes. I know will, because my plan rocks.
I also want to take this time to focus on personal upkeep--hair, skin, nails---all those things that will be completely neglected while I'm enjoying summer with the kids out of school.
I'll mark each day here.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

It's not a lifestyle, it's a diet.
I need to count calories even when I avoid processed foods and eat vegan. It is very easy to overeat even healthy food. I don't mind feeling like I'm on a diet because I am reversing a medical condition (obesity).
Once the obesity is gone, I can go ahead and have a lifestyle that will maintain a healthy weight. Learning to do that will be a process as well.
That's what works for me....I know everyone is different.

Monday, May 3, 2010

weigh-in #7

1.4 gone. I'm glad about that, as I really did some overeating and drinking of wine last week. We worked very hard on the house and yard, though and I'm sure that's were the loss came from. This week will be busy again as we prepare for a big family party coming up.
We all got new bikes on Saturday and it has been wonderful flying around the lake with my oldest son. Just wonderful.