stopping this blog

I feel so stuck.
I've stayed away from alcohol, but have been eating crap. My weight has been maintaining, pretty much. I feel like such a quitter, but I just can't get it together. I wish I knew how to juggle all the things going on in my life and still, at least feel like, I'm taking care of myself.
I'm not even going to pretend I have time to keep up with this blog and with all you nice gals in the blog world.
I'm taking a break from the computer, probably for the rest of the summer.
My best to you all.
Meg

bye

I've been having one tough week. Things seem so chaotic, frustrating and stressful. I've been living on cereal, fruit pops and cafeteria pasta. No workouts, no walks, no yoga. Throw in some pie and chocolate. I've even had 2 martinis and 2 glasses of chard. All to that adds up to a big huge headache and the scale being kicked under the chair.
I'm not weighing in this week. I'm calling it a bye.

Why No Animal Products?

Here's why Im a Vegan.

I love this video. So positive and informative!

Freedom Challenge Week 2

Last week I had ice cream 3 times. Other than that I was free of animal products and alcohol. I feel good and am so grateful for my freedom.

Friday weigh in

I get this feeling every few months. I want to change, run away to a new country, convert to a religion, learn a new language, become new from the inside out. I need a personal revolution. But of course, there are many connections and responsibilities that I'm not willing to leave behind, and of course the time and financial restrictions that come with them.

This is part of my weight loss motivation. Firstly, I want and need to be as healthy as possible, within a healthy weight range and decrease my chances of developing heart disease as I age. Secondly, this is about wanting to return to my original self. Somehow, when I look at recent photos of myself, I don't recognize that person as me. The big puffy lady with short hair.

As I've paged through old photo albums this summer, I've recognized myself in childhood riding my horse with my hair wild, as a lanky teen with large dark eyes, creamy skin, in my 20's dancing and laughing, in my 30's getting married and having 2 big baby boys. Shortly after the birth of my second child, the are only a handful of pictures of me. In the last 6 years I have let my fire go out. I am unrecognizable to myself.

I accept (and feel grateful for, considering the alternative) that I am aging. I hope that I'm maturing emotionally. I feel very grateful for how life has unfolded for me so far.

Returning to a healthy weight is just going to be a happy by-product of being true to my nature. I love animals, so it makes sense to not eat them. I've got that down pretty well. I think I'm really sensitive to drugs. One cup of coffee makes me nervous and 1 glass of wine wrecks my sleep. Now that I have that figured out, skipping the wine has become much easier. I still need to switch to green tea. Eliminate sugar. Cut back on grain. Eliminate flour. Cut the fat WAY down. Eat more greens. Basically, find my copy of Eat To Live by Dr Fuhrman and just make the changes. I've tried and failed that diet before, but those times the switch was very drastic. I was still drinking wine, eating animal products and baked goods. Maybe I'll do better this time around.

The Mister tried and abandoned Medifast a few months ago. and gave me boxes of his unwanted packets. I like the taste of them and most of them are vegetarian, so I've been eating them up little by little. It has recently come the my attention that soy isolates( the protein in the packets) are not a good choice if one is looking to avoid a hormonally mediated malignancy. That's one of the categories I fall into so, I'm going to cut out the medifast as well.


The next piece of the puzzle is the biggest piece. I want to learn to eat only when I'm hungry. Ever since I was a teen, I can remember purposely and with full awareness, drowning out my emotions with food. I want to learn to just feel my feelings. Not act on them, not understand them, just have them while the are here. I have come a long way on this one, and I think that is a main reason my weight has come down recently.


medifast shake
plum
1 Boca burger patty
green beans
2 cups vegan minestrone
2 slices sourdough bread with Smart Balance, Vegenaisse, basil, lettuce, tomatoes
1 banana
1/2 cup pasta
1/8 cup homemade vegan pesto
1 cup little fried orka
1/2 cup steamed beets
1/2 cup cucumbers in vinaigrette
1 popcorn topped with herb mix and nootch
2 squares dark chocolate

2 liters water

Bike around the lake

I need a personal revolution. Suggestions?

week 1 of Freedom Challenge

I'm happy too report that I have successfully completed week 1 of the Freedom Challenge. I really haven't missed my evening glass(es) of wine and of course, I feel wonderful about not having any animal products!
Go Freedom Challengers!!!

1 cup oatmeal
1 banana
2t honey
2 cups coffee
1/2 cup soymilk

2 stuffed grape leaves
1/2 pita with 2T hummus

1 cup life cereal with craisins and soymilk
pbj
1 cup soy milk

1 cup steamed beets
1/2 cup millet
small pat Smart Balance
juice and pulp of 2 oranges

water - 2 liters

Exercise - took kids to the zoo, gardens and amusement park

love this town

I love this town! We went to the Hmong Farmers Market this morning and got an insane amount to veg for $10. Everybody says its organic--"no spray"--but nobody is certified as such because of the cost. Then we went to our local Middle Eastern (my favorite) grocery and loaded up on breads and spreads. A lovely bottle of rose water as well. After dinner I stole out for a quick ride around our neighborhood lake.

1 cup Life cereal with craisins and soymilk
2 cups coffee

1 pita chip
1 chapati
2 stuffed grape leaves
2T hummus
2T baba ganoush
1/2 cup potato-green bean curry
1 bite haloumi cheese stuffed pita
1 cup sweet mint tea
1 banana

1 chapati
3 baked falafels
2T hummus
3/4 stuffed grape leaf
1/2 cup sliced cucumbers in a vinegar, oil sugar dressing
1 cup sweet mint tea
1 medjool date
2 liters water

exercise 4.2 mile bike ride

need more veg

I seem to be resisting veggies. I can't afford organic and am "afraid" to eat conventional. I'm hoping to hit the Hmong farmer's market tomorrow because they have reasonable prices and beautiful stuff. Gotta run and put the kids to bed. I'll be soon to follow them.

2 cups coffee
1 cup Life cereal with soymilk and raisins
vegan current scone
green grapes (medium bunch)
1 4 inch wedge Afghani zatar bread
3 cups romaine with balsamic vinaigrette and 3T craisins
1 Tofutti Cutie
10 more grapes
1 cup sweet mint tea
1/4 cup homemade hummus
potatoes and green beans in yellow curry sauce
1 4-inch wedge Afghani zatar bread
2 slabs grilled eggplant
2 glasses water
1 medjool date

exercise: bike ride around the lake

whining

++Looking at my weekly weigh-in results, one can see that my weight loss stalled out beginning the first week of June. What happened? My daily life changed. The kids got out of school and are now home all day. My husband had seizures, was hospitalized. I had my own health scare. We were worried there would be a strike that would cut off our incomes. I began driving my husband (and kids) to and from work and appointments, as he is prohibited from driving due to the new epilepsy diagnosis. I had to stop Spanish classes and yoga seems a distant memory. I've been trying hard to stay positive, but I'm having a weak moment. Boo-freakin-hoo, right?

2 cups coffee
1 big chunk of watermelon
Vegan Epicurean's curried tomato sauce with steamed collards
1/2 cup rice bowl (rice, beans, tomatoes, celery, corn)
3 glasses iced jasmine tea (unsweetened)
medifafst bar
medifast cheez balls
2 pc licorice
1 chocolate chip cookie
2 cups cubed steamed potatoes with 2T tahini-lemon-fresh garlic dressing
2 cups romaine lettuce from our garden with a little more of the dressing
4 snack-size Tofutti Cuties
2 liters water

BUT.....All is indeed well and I really am about the luckiest person I know, in spite of these little challenges.

delish day

1 cup brown rice porridge with1 banana, 2T raisins,2t raw sugar, 1/2 cup soy milk
2 cups coffee
1 liter water
medifast bar
Boca burger on 2 pc wheat toast with 1/2 avocado, lettuce, chili sauce and bbq sace
watermelon
1 liter water
Vegan Epicurean's curried tomato sauce with steamed collards
1/2 cup rice bowl (rice, beans, tomatoes, celery, corn)
10 little rice wafersh
3 medjool dates
1 pbj

I'm thankful for the kind and creative Vegan Epicurean. Her recipes are SO delicious and her blog is a great resource for those of us looking to create delish, low-fat, vegan food.

I didn't get to exercise yet.....

Nepali food is good

Another busy day, but a happy one. I had Nepali food today, which is one of my fave cuisines. It is like Indian, but lighter and more simple. I think they do use ghee, otherwise there are many veggie dishes.

nectarine
orange
1 cup coffee
Nepali Buffet:
1 cup bean soup
1 cup basmati rice
1/2 cup potato-tomato stew
2 fried onion balls (about 1 inch across each)
3 pieces Nepali " fry-bread" ( 3 inches across each)
1 cup green bean-potato saute
large glass unsweetened ice tea
1 liter water
watermelon
6 cups oil popped popcorn topped with Smart Balance
1 cup soymilk
45 minute walk outside

I'm so grateful that the Mister is getting good sleep, for my wonderful parents, and for my hilarious kids.

just the food

Very long day today. I'm just going to post the food:)

1 cup oatmeal with blue berries
1 banana
1 cup soymilk
green tea
coffee
medifast shake
medifast cheese puffs
boca burger on bun with onion and bbq sauce
green beans
1 cup soy milk
1 liter water
glass crystal light
15 french fries
1/2 cup beans, rice and celery with chili sauce
1 nectarine

freedom challenge

Deb says on her inspiring blog, Deb Will Be Free,

"In the next four weeks, we will celebrate the freedom that we have found, but we're not stopping there! We're going to go on to break free from whatever continues to hinder us, hold us back, or tangle us up so that we can be fully free to live the lives we were meant to live and to live them with joy."

What hinders me? My indulgence in wine and my consumption of animal products. Every monday, I will post specifically about how good I feel without alcohol or animal products in my life! So, it is on with the challenge!!

Nice Day

A day wherein I can work out, have a nap, have fun with my family? That is a perfect day for me. I also ate nourishing and delicious food.
1 cup oatmeal with 1 banana, 1 nectarine, 3/4 cup soymilk
green tea
1 liter water
1 medifast bar
bagel with tomato, Veganaise and basil
1 cup squash soup
3 bites pasta salad
2 apricots
2 cups rice bowl (corn, rice, black beans, tomatoes, celery, 1/2 avocado, onion, basil and balsamic)
1 liter water
steamed swiss chard with tamari
exercise: 40 minutes elipse machine
I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful holiday!

partied out

We went to another party today. Much more tame than last night, but still enjoyable

bowl of Life cereal with banana and skim milk
Boca burger on a bun with tomato, onion, Veganaise, and bbq sauce
small handful of Doritos
1 cup carrot soup
1 liter Gatorade
1 peach
1 nectarine
1 slice chocolate cake
1 can Sprite
1/2 cup couscous salad
2 toast rounds with cream cheese and cucumber
1/2 chocolate chip cookie
small slice watermelon
small handful corn chips
1/2 cup bean and corn salsa
1 liter water

No exercise today.

I feel especially grateful for our jobs, our little house, our health and that our cat who slipped outside last night was found safe and sound in our own backyard.

party

Big party at the neighbor's tonight. I did have some animal products and overindulged in wine :( But it really was a wonderful time. Very relaxing and fun, just what we all needed.

Cup of oatmeal with fresh peach and strawberries, ground flaxseed
Cup soymilk
watermelon
medifast bar
an ocean of white wine
3 salami cream cheese rolls
1 ear of corn
1 cup pasta salad
grilled mushrooms and zucinni
4 pork ribs
2 handfuls Doritos
1 liter water
Exercise: 30 minutes on elipse machine

I am grateful my husband for being so responsible, for my neighbors for being so fun, my kids for being sweet and cute. I glad that I felt really beautiful last night, having had the chance to spend time on my self care.

new direction- 2011 countdown

I've been struggling these past two weeks. Eating whatever, eating for comfort and pleasure because I'm not feeling it in other things. The sh8t has continued to hit the fan for us, and I have not been at my best. Worries over work, finances, Mister's health, kids are sensing the tension and being very difficult, the days feel like drudgery and I have no time to take care of myself.

BUT there are some good things going on:
I have avoided alcohol and have gotten good sleep. The kids love their swimming lessons. Our car works. The bathroom sink works. I've essentially maintained my weight. No nurses strike!!I And not least of all, I have found the best eyeliner!
There are many, many more blessings I take for granted everyday.
I've decided to refocus my vision of this journey.

Three main changes.
1- I'm going to journal my food (the good the bad and the ugly) and exercise everyday
2 - I'm going to count five things I am grateful for everyday
3- On December 31, 2010, I am calling a stop to my weight loss effort (obsession, fixation, preoccupation, whatever you want to call it. ) Starting at age 13, I have spent so much time, money and worry on my weight. All of this has had zero impact on my actual weight and has kept me from growing as a person. After I reach a healthy weight, I'm going to allow myself move on. So, I'm taking 27 weeks to lose weight. On December 31 of this year, If I weigh 188 or 135 or somewhere in between, that is what I will maintain. 2011 will be my first year of freedom since I was 13.

Oatmeal with raisins and skim milk
Rice bowl with black beans, tomato, onion, 1/2 avo, balsamic vinegar
medifast bar
2 apricots
2 liters water
medifast cheese puffs
steamed broccoli
1/2 bagel with cream cheese, tomato and basil
2 glasses chardonnay

I am grateful for: My health, my home and my little family. Our little kitten is sleek and shiny and gives kisses. My minivan is da bomb.

Exercise: just getting through it all today.